That being said, last night was the first good sleep I had for weeks. I have been going to bed late and waking early for quite a while. In some ways, I enjoy the pressure of minimal sleep combined with the recovery from any excesses of the previous day. For weeks, I wanted to sleep well, but I couldn't fall asleep; when I did, I woke up half a dozen times during the night. When I woke up this morning, there was no tension nor a sense of a tsunami-like wave of work I needed to attend to. I had fallen asleep around 9pm and woke around 4.30am. For me, that was great. I stayed in bed until 5am, thinking I might even fall asleep again. Instead, I began to sense that my muse had forgiven me.
I have started and abandoned two manuscripts since the New Year. My muse began to show me in my mind how the two stories were actually one. Scenes began to appear in technicolor again.
I was afraid to jump out of bed in case I frightened my muse off (I haven't named it--it definitely isn't a she or he). I luxuriated in the images and then tested the scenarios presented to me. I then, cautiously, exited my bed and made my way to the computer. I refused to allow any distractions as I opened my abandoned files. I began to re-read with this new inspiration in mind. It worked. I began the process of reconstruction and started a list of notes and characters so that continuity wouldn't be affected. When I was done, I sat back and smiled. My muse was back.
Then again, maybe it was never gone. Perhaps the struggle is the most important part of the writing process. I'll let you know how it goes.